Ask HN: I'm depressed, what should I do?

I could never learn coding by just learning coding. The way I learn coding is by creating something. If you want to learn Java for example, think of a small project that might interest you and then build it. You will learn to use the tool (Java in this case) as you go along.

I have observed in myself that I am happier when I have goals. Getting over depression is probably not a goal in itself. I set goals for myself and then work on them. The journey becomes more enjoyable than achieving goals. To give you an example, last year I had two goals, to run half marathon and trek to Mt Everest base camp. Took me over 6 months of preparation. I probably spent 2-3 hours everyday thinking, scheming, working out etc. I achieved both of those, but I enjoyed the obsession more.

I'm sure if you ask anyone on this site they'll tell you they've failed at lots of things -- some programming related, and some not. The good news is that you're only 30, and you have plenty more time to both succeed and fail at lots of other things.

I suggest you try to disassociate your quest to learn to program from your dissatisfaction with your current job. Maybe you can learn enough about software development to change careers but you're putting an immense amount of pressure on yourself to learn, which may make it harder.

Now, for programming - I suggest you consider working through some online tutorials. Pick a free tutorial on the web or in a book which is a beginner lesson. Start with something complex enough to feel like you've achieved something, but easy enough where you won't give up. If you get stuck - ask questions on StackOverflow.com or another online support forum. If you know someone who can program, ask them for their help. The early days of learning to program are very easy to get bogged down in the tools you need to configure to get things working, or the syntax nuances where an errant symbol leave what you're working on entirely broken. This is entirely normal, and while it's frustrating -- when you eventually figure out what's wrong, you're actually learning to program.

Good luck! And if you do feel depressed, please consider talking to a professional qualified to help you navigate those feelings. Work can be challenging, no matter what you're doing, but taking the initiative to ask for help from others should be commended.

Thank you all for your advice. What is the programming language I should begin learning?

Exercise is a great start. Everything seems more doable after a 20-mile bike ride.

Hey! Here's what has helped me with mental health having just been through a rough time...

- Exercise, exercise, exercise.

- Sleep quality. Look at all the sleep tips out there and make sure you are getting good sleep.

- Learn controlled breathing to help when tense. The 4-7-8 breathing when done properly and for 8 good breathes helps me a lot. Be sure to breathe with your stomach (diaphragm breathing) not your chest.

- Meditate (Headspace app, Calm app, Insight Timer, Oak)

- Improved diet, no caffiene, very little alcohol (one drink if out with people)

- Socialise more. Make sure to check in with friends in person and on the phone regularly. Social media doesn't count.

- Try new things, go new places. Meetup.com is great.

- I took up brazilian jiu-jitsu which has been awesome, ticks a lot of the above boxes.

- Look at Maslow's heirarchy of needs. Start at the bottom and start working on improvements for each thing. The world is great with lots of opportunity. If your feeling bad your first port of call is to look at what things your brain and body needs that you aren't getting right now and take action.

- Go and see a therapist and talk it out with someone. It helps a lot just to talk about it. Don't face this alone, there's no need to do that.

- The Youper app is pretty good too.

- Programming is amazing in that everything you need to learn is online and you can do it yourself. It just takes a lot of focus to stick with one thing and see it through. Like others I recommend having an idea for a fairly simple app, game, website whatever that you'd like to build. Pick a popular technology for building that type of thing and go with it.

If you want a rough idea of how popular something is, see how many questions for it have been posted on stackoverflow.com in the last week. https://stackoverflow.com/tags

Forget about being good or doing things the proper way. Just hack your project together little bit by little bit by googling and asking for help on websites like stackoverflow.com and forums. Just build something! It will probably be crappy but you'll learn a ton and be proud of the accomplishment.

> I am 30 years old, working in customer service. I don't like that job at all. I always feel tensed and depressed.

I can empathize with this. My brother faced the same situation. It is hard to face an uphill battle against an unforgiving public every day. You're right to try to get out and the time is ripe to do so.

> I failed to learn any of these lanagauges.

You need to dig deep and analyze your past failure, and learn from it. What do you think kept you from successfully learning a language?

- Cognitive: were some of the concepts too difficult or too poorly explained, causing a stumbling block you couldn't get past?

- Breadth: did it seem like too big of an effort, resulting in an intimidation effect you couldn't overcome?

- Goals or the lack thereof: did you make decent starting progress, but not find something concrete to work on that was within your capabilities?

- Patience and persistence: did you make some progress and then find yourself unwilling to stick with it long enough to see it through?

In general, the way to learn a language is to come up with a small (and I mean small!) first project that is well within your understanding conceptually, and then tackle it with your new language. When you get stuck, get reading, and stick to your guns. The feeling of success needs to work as your inspiration.

If overcoming the small roadblocks with a learning victory doesn't give you a bit of a rush and some energy to keep going, though, this might not be the path for you. There's no shame in that; there are still plenty of other directions to take your life in that don't involve programming.